The Town Fryer, St Helens. 8/10

It ain’t about the dollar or trying to go fast
Unless you take pride in what you’re doing, it won’t last
Craftsmanship is a quality that some lack
You got to give people a reason for them to come back

Buck 65, Craftsmanship

There’s no point messing folk about for the sake of a few pence. You’ve got to give people what they asked for or they won’t come back.

The guy who served me, The Town Fryer, St Helens

This is one of the best fish and chip shops in Merseyside. It might have been the best I’ve found, but we’ll come back to that. In any case what is apparent is that the guys who run this chippy really care about doing their job right. I’ve been three times and the same two guys have been working there – an almost scarily focussed chef, and a chirpy, friendly server, who knows how to give his customers what they want. Each of them has thought about his trade and is paying attention to doing it as well as he can.

They have got the difficult parts right: the fish is possibly the best I’ve tasted in the western half of England – it actually tastes of fish, so they are obviously using good fish and presumably paying a little bit more for that. The batter is extremely good too. They seem to know this, because they also do scraps, which seems to be something of a rarity in the north west. Again, it’s possibly the best batter I’ve tasted outside Yorkshire and Newcastle.  All in all it’s not too greasy and the portion size is right: it’s enough food but it doesn’t leave you feeling ill.

Where they have let themselves down slightly is the easy part, the chips. They cook them in vegetable oil, which I guess is a decision to cater for vegetarians. This is admirable, but it does mean you get that slightly chemically taste. That’s a coin with two sides to it, and obviously any St Helens veggies who like chips will be pleased by it, but for me it doesn’t taste as good. They’re also losing half a point because a couple of times that I’ve been the chips have been a bit too dry. This is not entirely fair, because it has been at around 4.30 each time, and really I should be (and am, in fact) pleased that they were open at all (they’re open 12 through to 8 or 9). So the chips I had had probably sat there a while, and if I’d gone for my tea at a sensible time I would have probably had a better result. The fish they cook to order and it’s lovely.

In any case this shop stands next to Marigolds of West Kirkby in the almost-top bracket. If they could improve the chips, they’d be way out in front.

World on a Plate, Catharine St., Liverpool. 0/10

Rock and Sole Plaice, Endell Street, Covent Garden, London. 6.5/10

I had been told there was a good fish and chip shop somewhere near Covent Garden, and apparently this was it; certainly it seemed to regard itself in this light, although this is usually a bad sign.

The chips were ok; the fish tasted nice but the batter was no better than average; the portion was enormous (maybe catering for the American tourists they’re presumably aiming at), but the price was ridiculous. A whole tenner. Oh my God. That reminded me that I was in London, where everything that is easy to find or clearly signposted is a trap designed to separate tourists from their money. For anything you can stumble across without months of searching and recommendations, quality and value are irrelevant concepts in a city which receives many millions of tourists every year, none of whom will ever return to the same guest house or the same restaurant. Customer experience doesn’t matter. It’s all shit, and it’s all so fucking expensive. Honestly, if I was expected to pay those sorts of prices for that quality of stuff every day of my life, I would want to smash up a Home & Bargains in Tottenham.

If this was just a tourist trap, I’d feel a little less aggrieved. Fair enough, that’s the game, I came to the big smoke and got suckered. But the hotel staff recommended it to me in glowing terms. I read the reviews. Apparently, according to all I could discover, it really is one of the best chip shops in central London. (I’ve since been told that there’s apparently a better one somewhere near the National Theatre, that is, south of the river). If that’s really the case it’s a sorry state of affairs. You could only consider this to be genuinely good fish and chips if you’ve never visited the north of England. Which, to be fair, many of the people who live, work and vacation in London never have or will.

Steve’s, Aigburth Vale, Liverpool. 6.5/10.

This is one of the two chippies of south Liverpool that people eulogise. I don’t know what it was like ten years ago, but for the last five it’s been ok but no better.

Steve’s (along with Chris’s) teeters on the cusp of disproving the adage that a fish and chip shop that does anything other than fish and chips will do shitty fish and chips. It’s almost good. But the chips aren’t very good, the batter isn’t great and the fish is a bit weak.

If you live nearby and you don’t have a car it’s worth the occasional visit. If you have a car go to Chris’s instead.

Chris’s, the Rose Lane Chippy, Liverpool. 7/10

As far as I can tell, this is the best (or least worst) chip shop in mainland Liverpool. It’s ok, but by no means excellent. I wouldn’t give this to a visiting foreigner as an example of our native cuisine, but I’m happy to eat it myself in the absence of anything better within reach.

What’s wrong? Meh… They haven’t got the batter quite right (which they kind of acknowledge by not keeping scraps), the fish is a bit lifeless, the chips a bit stodgy. They give you a massive portion for an acceptable price, but you feel pretty fat afterwards. It’s ok, it just sneaks into the “good” category, but it doesn’t enthuse me the way it should.

Brett’s and Bryan’s, Headingley, Leeds. 8-9/10

The two rival chippies brooding at each other from either end of Leeds’ student district. Legend has it (I think) that one was founded by a disgruntled former employee of the other – like Megadeth and Metallica in that respect. In any case the competition keeps both at the top of their field.

Sure, there are ebbs and flows, swings and roundabouts. Sometimes Brett’s will have an off year while Bryan’s gains the ascendancy, and at other times the former will be flavour of the month while the latter disappoints. Generally, over the last decade they’ve been as good as each other, with Bryan’s risking a darker batter which is normally rich and perfectly judged, but occasionally a little too dry; while Brett’s batter is lighter, a touch stodgier, and the fish from time to time a touch too greasy.

The above flaws are occasional and slight, mentioned only to distinguish between the two. They fluctuate but they’re both very good. The best way to decide between the two is to base it on what point in the Otley run you want to eat.

Marigold’s, West Kirby, 8.5/10

14 Banks Road, West Kirby, Wirral.

Last visit: Sat 30 July.

My ongoing quest to find nice fish and chips within striking distance of Liverpool took a turn for the better today, albeit at the far corner of the Wirral. Everything was good about this experience, the chips were fresh and soft, the fish had been successfully skinned and filleted and tasted nice, the batter was good, and they had scraps too. £5 for take out is a little expensive, but as Kevin Keegan said on buying Warren Barton, if you want quality, you’ve got to pay for it.

The fact that you can go for a walk along the beach while you eat doesn’t count against them.

I’ve marked them down from a 9, only because the last time I went we had slightly leathery chips. But it’s still the best I’ve found around Liverpool for a while.

Kristian’s, North Shields, 9.5/10

Union Quay, North Shields, just outside Newcastle.

The holy grail of fish and chips, although I haven’t been there since at least 2005. Everything was almost perfect: the fish, the batter, the chips. You could buy them and then go sit on the dock and watch the fishing boats come in and land the fish.

There were several fish shops on the quayside; some were fresh fishmongers and some chip shops, and they were all pretty good, because the proprietors bought the fish directly off the boats. They knew which fishing crews would freeze the fish the right way: slowly, using flakes of ice, rather than by shoving them in a deep freeze and bursting all the fibres which give the fish its flavour and texture. Nothing went through a wholesaler, and nothing sat in a warehouse or a truck for ages.

They were all good (Jonty’s was a good alternative) but Kristians was the best. I know it’s been a while and I’ve no way of knowing if it’s still as good but I can’t make a fish and chips blog without referencing the best I’ve ever had.